Sharing parental rights and responsibilities after the end of a marriage isn’t especially easy. People often have a hard time letting go of their resentment toward their spouses and keeping the focus of their relationships solely on their children.
As people heal and settle into a new routine, they may find ways to work effectively together. Unfortunately, sharing custody amicably isn’t always a realistic goal. Some spouses find it very challenging to work cooperatively with one another.
Some people go so far as to alienate children from their other parent. Those who are aware of parental alienation may recognize it when it occurs and may better assert themselves to protect their relationship with their children.
What is parental alienation?
Parental alienation occurs when one adult tries to damage the other’s relationship with the children. Alienation often involves a variety of inappropriate behaviors. For example, alienation might start with one parent talking negatively about the other repeatedly.
It may then escalate into denying the other parent access to the children. The parent attempting to alienate the children from the other parent may then blame canceled visitation or parenting sessions on the children’s preferences.
Alienation makes children feel like one parent doesn’t value them or as though they have to choose between their parents, possibly to placate the parent who has more parenting time. Parental alienation damages the bond that a parent has with their children. It can also cause mental distress for the children, as they usually benefit from maintaining a healthy rapport with both parents.
How can parents address alienation?
When there is a pattern of behavior intended to disrupt the parent-child relationship, the courts may intervene. A parent who believes they have experienced alienation likely needs proof of canceled visitation and possibly also records of negative claims made about them by the other parent. Posts on social media, text messages and even statements made by the children could help support claims of alienation.
Generally speaking, judges expect parents to comply with the custody order. They want to see the adults in the family consistently centering the needs of the children by working cooperatively to act in the children’s best interests.
Alienation prioritizes one parent’s feelings about the other over what is truly best for the children. If a judge agrees that alienation has occurred, they could order makeup parenting time. They may also agree to modify the custody order to give the alienated parent more time to bond with the children and reduce the authority held by the parent interfering in the other’s relationship with their children.
Discussing concerns about parental alienation can help adults who share custody protect their most important relationships. A parent who has proof of ongoing alienation efforts may be able to request a custody modification and then begin healing their relationship with their children.